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REALTOR® Alicia Stukes still vividly recalls the horrors of abuse her young husband inflicted on her 34 years ago, shortly after they married: verbal berating of “You think you can disobey me,” controlling behavior, isolation from family and friends, physical beatings and threats to kill her. “He became the monster he probably always was, although initially he hid in sheep’s clothing,” says Stukes, who married at 20.
After drinking one afternoon, he tried to be intimate. Stukes refused. He threw furniture, her fingers were broken, and their loud argument spurred neighbors to call police. They detained him overnight to give Stukes time to get away from their home in Louisiana. With help from his family, she quickly packed possessions into a few trash bags she carried in one hand while clutching her 3-year-old son’s hand in her other. She dropped off the bags at a shipping center to send them to her family in Maryland. The next day, mother and son flew away forever and began to rebuild their lives.
“For a victim of domestic violence to safely leave, they need support and a plan,” she says.
Once safe and employed, Stukes dove deep into understanding the culture of abuse. “So many women feel helpless to take action due to fear they won’t get away or will get killed trying. They have no legal support and lack financial resources,” she says. Those who escape often carry a legacy of PTSD, depression, self-harming behavior and substance abuse. Some become abusers. Nationwide, one in four women is the victim of a partner’s physical violence.
“Strength shows not only in the ability to persist but to start over. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” –Alicia D. Stukes
In another gut-wrenching example, REALTOR® Chaunya Blackwell was strangled to death by her fiancé after arguing over finances, among the 47,000 women and girls killed annually by an intimate partner or family member.
Planning an Exit
To heal, Stukes turned to her spirituality, went for counseling and discussed with her mother the family’s experiences of generational abuse to avoid passing it down to her three children. After a real estate agent complimented her customer service skills at her property management job, Stukes earned her license in 2002. Helping a female friend leave her abuser led to another life change. “My gut told me, ‘This is your purpose.’ Be the person to pay it forward.”
Stukes founded I’m Bruised But Not Broken Inc. in 2016. The nonprofit organization bridges the gap between domestic violence victims’ needs and community resources that offer services, in-kind donations and funds for their safety, education and welfare. Her first collaboration was with a law enforcement agency. Success begat success, and businesses such as Walmart came forward to educate, equip and spread the word. The police chief of Cottage City, Md., invited Stukes to share her experiences and advice such as using a hotline, the myPlan app and saving money to escape.
Stukes’ real estate knowledge has proved essential to locating rentals for women leaving dangerous situations. “Housing represents our biggest need to help them, [which is] why my work as a REALTOR® relates so well,” says Stukes, ABR, GRI, now associate broker with LPT Realty Inc. in Arlington, Va.
Rallying Volunteers and Organizations
IBBNB’s 12 volunteers, five-member board, and outside boosters help empower victims to transition to survivors. “We’re a beacon of hope in what often feels like insurmountable darkness,“ Stukes says.
To meet immediate needs, they hand out “Run N Go” bags with personal hygiene products, beauty aids and groceries. Drives collect school supplies, holiday funds and gifts for mothers and children. A scholarship of up to $2,000—quadruple its original maximum of $500—helps to educate on life skills topics, including financial literacy.
Two main events take place each October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. Metamorphosis helps abused women experience change through a job, financial planning, new look and healthy relationship. My Sister’s Keeper offers support groups. To keep the organization visible, volunteers promote its website, post on social media and staff a phone line for client intake and advice.
Many follow Stukes’ lead to pay it forward. Eight-year volunteer Dorothy Powell-Allen, abused for 47 years, says she has never met such a loving person. “She gives 200% of everything with her huge heart, so everyone feels special. Alicia helped me stop blaming myself and learn to love myself.”
“More people are aware of domestic abuse, but it still takes seven or eight efforts for someone to step away, and sometimes it’s too late.” –Alicia D. Stukes
Timira Hopkins, 31, started to give back once Alicia helped her find her self-esteem and voice after four years of a boyfriend’s abuse. Yet, it remains etched in her face. In their final fight 10 years ago, the boyfriend dragged her across the floor, shot her five times—blew off part of her face—and then killed himself. “They had to reconstruct my nose with cartilage from my ear. The hearing in one ear is gone,” she says.
After therapy, Hopkins posted her story on social media, and Alicia asked her to be a guest speaker. “I found her so kind, relatable and nonjudgmental that I agreed,” Hopkins says. The connection transformed her from a shy speaker to an enthusiastic public storyteller who helps inspire others during their healing journeys.
Hopkins gives Stukes the credit. “She keeps helping me heal, grow and find myself,” says Hopkins, who recently launched a balloon decor business.
Reaching Teens Before Abuse Does
Besides buoying abuse victims, IBBNB helps teens understand signs of potential abuse versus a healthy relationship. With local municipalities and law enforcement partners, it hosts coed overnight lock-ins with panel discussions, breakout sessions and games.
Recently, she became director of the U.S. National Archives and Records Administration. She attributes her ability to balance this with real estate and advocacy to good organizational skills and planning.
“I color-code my calendar. Some days are all yellow for real estate and some all purple, the symbol of domestic violence awareness.” Complementary color pairings are bold, courageous and fearless, the way many describe Stukes.
If you or anyone you know needs help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Alicia Stukes is associate broker with LPT Realty Inc. Arlington, Va./Bowie, Md. She founded I’m Bruised But Not Broken to bridge the gap between domestic violence victims’ needs and community resources.
