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In fourth grade, Sandy Hedenberg suffered a bout of humiliation as a result of her teacher. During a game of Hangman, she accidentally wrote the word “weather” instead of “whether.” When the teacher realized what had happened, she slammed her fist on the desk and yelled that Hedenberg had ruined the game for everyone.
“She made me horribly afraid of public speaking for most of my life,” states Hedenberg, broker-associate at REAL Broker LLC, in Pitman, N.J., adding that the moment devastated her confidence. She’s also a licensed life coach at Sandy Hedenberg Empowerment Coaching. “Thankfully, my confidence and courage have grown significantly over the last several years, which have completely changed my feelings about public speaking.”
Public speaking is the source of high anxiety for many, according to the Mayo Clinic. The fear of getting in front of people can be petrifying, cause panic attacks and can even trigger physical symptoms like shaking hands or quivering voices. Hedenberg suffered from hives developing on her neck and face.
Hedenberg is a testament to the fact that this fear can be overcome, however. She spent many hours working on her internal self-talk and coming up with ways to work through her anxious moments, allowing her to face what was once a great fear. Today, she is able to get up in front of crowds with ease. In fact, she recently spoke in front of hundreds at The Triple Play REALTOR® Convention & Trade Expo in New Jersey.
She believes it’s important for anyone in leadership or those who head teams in real estate to ease their anxiety around public speaking.
“From a quality-of-life perspective, you don’t want to walk through life with a low-grade level of anxiety every time you have to do a presentation or talk with clients,” she adds. “When you speak confidently, the people you are speaking with are more receptive to what you are saying and take it in.”
Understanding the Brain’s Response to Public Speaking
Marianna Swallow has been doing theater since she was five years old.
“I love being in front of a crowd. I’ve done improv and stand-up comedy,” says Swallow. She is a professional speaker and conference presenter from Chicago and Charlotte, N.C. She’s also the author of 21 Ways to Engage Your Audience.
She helps people uncover why they’re afraid of public speaking and offers them guidance to work through their fears.
“There are many reasons why people are afraid of it. I think many have the fear of being judged,” she adds. “The center of your brain, called the lizard brain, freaks out.”
That “lizard brain” or reptilian brain controls basic bodily functions and survival responses like flight-or-flight. Because this part of the brain can’t tell the difference between, say, a tiger chasing a person and the stress response caused by fear of public speaking, it reacts the same way in both situations.
One must understand that the body’s response does not necessarily mean you’re in danger because you’re about to get on stage. There are things you can do to mitigate the very real bodily response so you can get in front of the crowd and speak with confidence.
Top Tips to Prepare for the Moment
Swallow believes in the right amount of preparation. No matter how well you know a topic, if your lizard brain signals danger, your knowledge will be replaced by a biological response to protect yourself. Preparation makes a difference.
She suggests breaking a topic down into talking points and practicing speaking out loud, well before the event.
Hedenberg recommends recording yourself while you are practicing, no matter the size of the audience that you’ll be speaking in front of.
“Then, listen to yourself on the recording. You are putting the messaging in your head,” she adds. Lots of people don’t like the sound of their own voices, but the practice helps train your brain.
Both women emphasize that managing negative self-talk should become part of the planning, whether for a speaking engagement or just in daily life. It’s not necessary to internalize a barrage of affirmations that might feel inaccessible. Simply replace negative self-talk with the facts.
“Keep saying ‘I am prepared,’” Swallow says. “That goes a long way.”
Hedenberg is intimately familiary with negative self-talk, something that caused her great anxiety in her 20s. What she found beneficial was carrying a little spiral notebook in her handbag or pocket.
“Every time I was thinking negatively, I would stop myself and write down those thoughts, plus add a positive remark,” she says.
An example might look like catching yourself saying something negative if you keep forgetting a line in your presentation. Rather than chastising yourself for missing the line, you could instead say something like, “I’m going to keep practicing and I’ll get it right.”
Once you’re able to recognize your thought patterns, repetition and consistency in analyzing and replacing those patterns with healthier ones helps transform them. It's about teaching your brain to be aware of your thoughts by writing things down, not just the negative thoughts but your more loving, compassionate thoughts.
Additional Tips to Ease the Burden of Public Speaking
- Pick a power outfit that makes you feel good and comfortable. “When you show up for a presentation, you have to wear something that makes you feel comfortable, and you feel comfortable in,” says Hedenberg. That means don’t wear uncomfortable shoes or a tie, if you don’t like them. “But show up with clothing that gives out the impression you want to make. Dressing well shows that you care about yourself.”
- Know your audience. “Don’t use jokes unless you really know your audience, and don’t start the speech the most boring way ever—‘I’m Marianna Swallow. I’m here to talk about blah, blah, blah.’” She believes in adding in the human connection, such as starting with a story that engages those who are present.
- Make eye contact with a few people. “If you can walk around and be comfortable with the audience, first look at one person, then move to someone else, and so on. It softens the audience and makes you more comfortable.”
