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As it turns out, all of us could improve—especially when it comes to knowing ourselves. “Most people say they are very self-aware, but the research has shown they are not,” says Ruth Gotian, author of The Success Factor and The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring. Perhaps that’s because self-awareness can be so difficult.
“Self-reflection requires things that are very hard: the courage to look in the mirror and reflect on who you are, the humility to try to improve, and the discipline and hard work to close the gap between the human being you are and (the one you) want to be,” says Marshall Goldsmith, acclaimed executive coach and author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There and How Women Rise.
Yet, making the effort is well worth it—especially as a business leader. By practicing self-reflection, you’ll better understand yourself and can then make adjustments to best serve your clients and team, says William Vanderbloemen, author of Be the Unicorn and the Be the Unicorn Workbook. Here’s how to get started on an approach that could turbocharge your leadership.
What is self-reflection?
Self-reflection is based on two types of understanding: knowing yourself and knowing how others see you, says Goldsmith. The first requires having an internal conversation, he explains. Determine your aspirations and values, your definition of meaningful achievement, and what makes you feel alive and engaged.
To understand how you come across to others, seek external feedback. Although you may feel you have an accurate sense of people’s impression of you, you might be wrong. For example, “no one wants to alienate people and seem like a jerk, but people do that all the time. Often, the way we come off is not in sync with the values we profess to have.”
Getting outsiders’ opinions is especially important for leaders because “the higher up you go, the harder it is to get honest feedback. Everyone sucks up.”
Why Self-reflection is an Important Tool for Leaders
When it comes to leading yourself and others effectively, self-reflection is a magic bullet. By evaluating yourself, you’ll hone your decision-making, points out Gotian. If you don’t assess your performance and reflect on areas for improvement, “you’ll be stuck doing things the same old way and not modifying or adapting,” she says.
Self-reflection also helps you adjust how you interact with others, explains Vanderbloemen. For instance, he knows he prefers quick conversations and can come across as abrupt and overly efficient. To better support his team members, he makes an effort to spend more time with those who prefer more interaction. “As a leader, I do things that are not natural to me to serve my team better,” he says.
Another benefit of self-reflection is ensuring you’re setting the right example for your team, adds Goldsmith. “If you want others to do anything, they need to see you do it first,” he says. “No one will be impressed by you if you talk about your values. They’ll only be impressed if they see you live those values.”
How to Practice Self-reflection
Need more motivation to practice self-reflection? Consider this story from Vanderbloemen. Years ago, a friend who owned a bank invited him to his office to give him a special holiday present. Vanderbloemen was initially disappointed and perplexed when he saw the gift: a tiny day timer. But then his friend opened a credenza behind his desk to reveal 30 years’ worth of filled-out day timers just like that one.
Each night for decades, his friend explained, he’d recorded six tangible, actionable goals to accomplish the next day. Then, he reflected on his performance daily to ensure he completed those tasks. “That’s how you end up owning a bank,” says Vanderbloemen, who has practiced the ritual for many years.
Here are some other simple and effective self-reflection exercises to try:
Ask yourself six questions each morning
This exercise from Goldsmith focuses on goals and values rather than tasks. By beginning each question with “Did I do my best to…,” you take responsibility for your actions, he explains:
- Did I do my best to set clear goals?
- Did I do my best to make progress toward achieving those goals?
- Did I do my best to find meaning?
- Did I do my best to be happy?
- Did I do my best to build positive relationships?
- Did I do my best to be fully engaged?
Solicit feedback
Regularly convene a few colleagues you trust to be honest, suggests Vanderbloemen. Ask for their thoughts on how you come across. Alternatively, use an anonymous 360-degree review tool.
Ask your team for specific ways you can improve, advises Goldsmith. Then, “shut up, take notes, and say ‘thank you.’ Don’t promise to do everything. Just promise to listen and do what you can.”
Watch a recording of yourself giving a talk
“We think we are presenting one way, but in reality, it’s very different,” says Vanderbloemen. Many people stutter or move around more than they realize, he notes. To see yourself in action, watch a recording of your presentation at 2.5x speed.
Reflect in a structured way
Decide which type of self-reflection you’d like to practice, suggests Gotian. For example:
- Reflect on an experience, such as whether a specific sales strategy worked well.
- Analyze a process and problem-solve to make improvements.
- Challenge a long-held assumption, belief, or value for a transformative experience.
Self-reflection is not a one-time task; it’s a continuous process that can profoundly influence your leadership, relationship, and personal growth. When you dedicate time to this practice, bridging the gap between who you are and who you aspire to be as a leader. As a leader, your willingness to look inward shapes your success and inspires those around you to strive for their best selves.
